Opinionated rants on celebrity, pop culture and the state of the world
I really shouldn’t have been surprised when teen girls started lining up on Queen St. for the Live @ Much with the Jonas Brothers two days before the event, or when I encountered a crazed fan on my lunch break who, once noticing I work in the Much building, screamed like she’d seen Cisco Adler’s genitalia (if you’ve yet to witness this, Google at your own risk), then begged me to get her inside to meet the boys. Interning at MuchMusic has its perks but giving fans access to celebrities isn’t one of them. I calmly explain to Crazy Joe Bro Fan that I couldn’t help make her single most important life goal (her words, not mine) come true. It got me thinking though and I can’t believe I’m about to type this but here it is: the Jonas Brothers could actually save the music industry (in record sales obviously, not street cred).
You probably haven't spent a ton of time contemplating the Jonas Brothers’ place in the current social fabric (or even in the pop music social fabric), but maybe you should. Maybe we all should take a look at how three brothers went from obscurity to obscene celebrity in mere months. And how the squeaky-clean trio might just single-handedly reintroduce the Billboard charts to boy band dominance.
So let’s get into it. Their names are Joe, Nick and Kevin Jonas of course but who cares? I’ve tagged them Hairy, Curly and Ugly. Wait. Ugly is too harsh. Let’s call him Unfortunate. It’s not his fault really; he’s the oldest. It’s a boy band prerequisite that the oldest member be as homely as possible. Think Kevin from the Backstreet Boys, Joey Fatone of N*SYNC, Donnie Wahlberg of NKOTB (I know, blasphemy!). Let’s face it: the faster you hit puberty, the less appealing you become to legions of little tweens. Which is why, ranging from ages 15- 20, Hairy, Curly and Unfortunate are this generation’s Hanson, complete with guitars, pop rock-ish love songs and girlish boyish good looks.
I really shouldn’t have been surprised when teen girls started lining up on Queen St. for the Live @ Much with the Jonas Brothers two days before the event, or when I encountered a crazed fan on my lunch break who, once noticing I work in the Much building, screamed like she’d seen Cisco Adler’s genitalia (if you’ve yet to witness this, Google at your own risk), then begged me to get her inside to meet the boys. Interning at MuchMusic has its perks but giving fans access to celebrities isn’t one of them. I calmly explain to Crazy Joe Bro Fan that I couldn’t help make her single most important life goal (her words, not mine) come true. It got me thinking though and I can’t believe I’m about to type this but here it is: the Jonas Brothers could actually save the music industry (in record sales obviously, not street cred).
You probably haven't spent a ton of time contemplating the Jonas Brothers’ place in the current social fabric (or even in the pop music social fabric), but maybe you should. Maybe we all should take a look at how three brothers went from obscurity to obscene celebrity in mere months. And how the squeaky-clean trio might just single-handedly reintroduce the Billboard charts to boy band dominance.
So let’s get into it. Their names are Joe, Nick and Kevin Jonas of course but who cares? I’ve tagged them Hairy, Curly and Ugly. Wait. Ugly is too harsh. Let’s call him Unfortunate. It’s not his fault really; he’s the oldest. It’s a boy band prerequisite that the oldest member be as homely as possible. Think Kevin from the Backstreet Boys, Joey Fatone of N*SYNC, Donnie Wahlberg of NKOTB (I know, blasphemy!). Let’s face it: the faster you hit puberty, the less appealing you become to legions of little tweens. Which is why, ranging from ages 15- 20, Hairy, Curly and Unfortunate are this generation’s Hanson, complete with guitars, pop rock-ish love songs and girlish boyish good looks.
Aside from the obvious comparisons to Hanson (namely the girly hair) there are striking similarities to Backstreet: youngest one’s named Nick, oldest is Kevin. Creepy, I know. The Bros even opened for BSB’s AJ Maclean’s stint as a solo artist (don’t ask how I know this). And like the Boys before them, the Jonas Brothers are about to encounter an onslaught of copycat acts, manufactured to capture the same demographic that has put the pop-rocking trio on the top of the charts. I cringe at the thought of this, just as I’m sure 20-something music lovers cringed when N SYNC, 98 Degrees, and O-town burst onto the scene during the golden era of boy bands. If record labels have anything to say about it, the era that died when Justin left those other dudes behind is about to make a comeback.
Rolling Stone just wrote a piece on the shift and highlighted a few upcoming bands. The most interesting one to me was V-Factory, the boy band assembled around Ashley Tisdale’s (of High School Musical fame) boyfriend. Brilliant right? Let’s make a band starring someone associated with a musical that sold millions of soundtracks. The kids will eat it up. Sounds like a last ditch act of desperation to capture some of Disney’s recent successes provided by gullible CD guzzling children. And it might even work. There’s nothing like a teen celeb hook-up to excite the fans. Just ask Nick Jonas.
While Hairy (aka Joe Jonas) has been hailed as the resident heartthrob, clearly Curly is the cute one. Tweendom may love him but Miley Cyrus seems to have found 7 things she hates about Curly (aka Nick). It’s common knowledge in Disney-fan land that the two had a (albeit short-lived) monumentally intense and torrid love affair ending with a heartbroken Miley penning her latest boy-bashing single (allegedly) about the curly-haired Joe Bro. Nice touch Nick. Breaking the heart of the biggest teen sensation of the moment totally makes him even more scream-worthy to the young’uns. The force is strong in that one. The other two – not so much. Don’t get me wrong; I love a good boy band. I grew up in the 90s after all. But where’s the prop-filled choreography? I want some good old chair-dancing damn it!
Stop trying to be “real” artists and dance it out Hairy, Curly and Unfortunate. You may be hated by critics and beloved by adolescent girls now but the competition’s coming, hoping to feel the wrath of rock writers everywhere and pop and lock their way into the short attention spans of trillions of teens. Prepare yourselves people, there’s about to a boy band brawl for the top of the charts. Are you ready?
You probably haven't spent a ton of time contemplating the Jonas Brothers’ place in the current social fabric (or even in the pop music social fabric), but maybe you should. Maybe we all should take a look at how three brothers went from obscurity to obscene celebrity in mere months. And how the squeaky-clean trio might just single-handedly reintroduce the Billboard charts to boy band dominance.
So let’s get into it. Their names are Joe, Nick and Kevin Jonas of course but who cares? I’ve tagged them Hairy, Curly and Ugly. Wait. Ugly is too harsh. Let’s call him Unfortunate. It’s not his fault really; he’s the oldest. It’s a boy band prerequisite that the oldest member be as homely as possible. Think Kevin from the Backstreet Boys, Joey Fatone of N*SYNC, Donnie Wahlberg of NKOTB (I know, blasphemy!). Let’s face it: the faster you hit puberty, the less appealing you become to legions of little tweens. Which is why, ranging from ages 15- 20, Hairy, Curly and Unfortunate are this generation’s Hanson, complete with guitars, pop rock-ish love songs and girlish boyish good looks.
I really shouldn’t have been surprised when teen girls started lining up on Queen St. for the Live @ Much with the Jonas Brothers two days before the event, or when I encountered a crazed fan on my lunch break who, once noticing I work in the Much building, screamed like she’d seen Cisco Adler’s genitalia (if you’ve yet to witness this, Google at your own risk), then begged me to get her inside to meet the boys. Interning at MuchMusic has its perks but giving fans access to celebrities isn’t one of them. I calmly explain to Crazy Joe Bro Fan that I couldn’t help make her single most important life goal (her words, not mine) come true. It got me thinking though and I can’t believe I’m about to type this but here it is: the Jonas Brothers could actually save the music industry (in record sales obviously, not street cred).
You probably haven't spent a ton of time contemplating the Jonas Brothers’ place in the current social fabric (or even in the pop music social fabric), but maybe you should. Maybe we all should take a look at how three brothers went from obscurity to obscene celebrity in mere months. And how the squeaky-clean trio might just single-handedly reintroduce the Billboard charts to boy band dominance.
So let’s get into it. Their names are Joe, Nick and Kevin Jonas of course but who cares? I’ve tagged them Hairy, Curly and Ugly. Wait. Ugly is too harsh. Let’s call him Unfortunate. It’s not his fault really; he’s the oldest. It’s a boy band prerequisite that the oldest member be as homely as possible. Think Kevin from the Backstreet Boys, Joey Fatone of N*SYNC, Donnie Wahlberg of NKOTB (I know, blasphemy!). Let’s face it: the faster you hit puberty, the less appealing you become to legions of little tweens. Which is why, ranging from ages 15- 20, Hairy, Curly and Unfortunate are this generation’s Hanson, complete with guitars, pop rock-ish love songs and girlish boyish good looks.
Aside from the obvious comparisons to Hanson (namely the girly hair) there are striking similarities to Backstreet: youngest one’s named Nick, oldest is Kevin. Creepy, I know. The Bros even opened for BSB’s AJ Maclean’s stint as a solo artist (don’t ask how I know this). And like the Boys before them, the Jonas Brothers are about to encounter an onslaught of copycat acts, manufactured to capture the same demographic that has put the pop-rocking trio on the top of the charts. I cringe at the thought of this, just as I’m sure 20-something music lovers cringed when N SYNC, 98 Degrees, and O-town burst onto the scene during the golden era of boy bands. If record labels have anything to say about it, the era that died when Justin left those other dudes behind is about to make a comeback.
Rolling Stone just wrote a piece on the shift and highlighted a few upcoming bands. The most interesting one to me was V-Factory, the boy band assembled around Ashley Tisdale’s (of High School Musical fame) boyfriend. Brilliant right? Let’s make a band starring someone associated with a musical that sold millions of soundtracks. The kids will eat it up. Sounds like a last ditch act of desperation to capture some of Disney’s recent successes provided by gullible CD guzzling children. And it might even work. There’s nothing like a teen celeb hook-up to excite the fans. Just ask Nick Jonas.
While Hairy (aka Joe Jonas) has been hailed as the resident heartthrob, clearly Curly is the cute one. Tweendom may love him but Miley Cyrus seems to have found 7 things she hates about Curly (aka Nick). It’s common knowledge in Disney-fan land that the two had a (albeit short-lived) monumentally intense and torrid love affair ending with a heartbroken Miley penning her latest boy-bashing single (allegedly) about the curly-haired Joe Bro. Nice touch Nick. Breaking the heart of the biggest teen sensation of the moment totally makes him even more scream-worthy to the young’uns. The force is strong in that one. The other two – not so much. Don’t get me wrong; I love a good boy band. I grew up in the 90s after all. But where’s the prop-filled choreography? I want some good old chair-dancing damn it!
Stop trying to be “real” artists and dance it out Hairy, Curly and Unfortunate. You may be hated by critics and beloved by adolescent girls now but the competition’s coming, hoping to feel the wrath of rock writers everywhere and pop and lock their way into the short attention spans of trillions of teens. Prepare yourselves people, there’s about to a boy band brawl for the top of the charts. Are you ready?